In 1621 Plymouth Colonists and Wampanoag Indians gathered round to share an autumn harvest feast--the first Thanksgiving celebration in the colony. Fast forward--years later--Thanksgiving has become a celebrated holiday. Foods such as mash potatoes, stuffing, pumpkin pie and cranberry sauce become a staple to the holiday menu. Along with the delicious yet delectable morsels, the Turkey--roasted, baked or deep-fried has become the main dish…
It’s a day to give thanks and be surrounded by the people you love. What could be terrifying about that? (Besides having to eat dinner with your parents and pretend that you love them and vice versa…) How about a homicidal turkey created by some pissed off Indians set out to kill you and your friends? Yeah--that seems about right...
ThanksKilling starts out with a nipple. No, seriously, the opening scene is ‘moments’ after the first Thanksgiving back in the olden days of 1621 and you see the tits of a middle aged Pilgrim. The frantic, topless Pilgrim is running through the trees after hearing the sound of screams in the distance. And like all stupid victims in slasher films, the big breasted Pilgrim trips over a rock only to look slightly away from the camera at the very thing she was running from. It’s at this moment we capture a glimpse of the killer. The homicidal turkey utters the first line of the film before raising his weapon to kill her…
“Nice tits, bitch.”
I died. I died from laughter. I mean, I had to pause it for just a few seconds so I could stop myself from laughing. And I mean this in a good way. In the majority of slasher films, we usually capture a glimpse of the killer. He could either mutter something full of malice OR be completely silent. But for this film--could the first line be anymore perfect? Bravo.
Fast forward years later, we meet the main characters of the film. The main characters are six college kids who are excited that Thanksgiving is finally here--Johnny the Jock, Billy the Hillbilly, Kristen the Daddy’s Girl, Ally the Slut and Darren the Nerd. The dialogue between the characters on screen paired with the horrible track playing in the back is a little cringey--I won’t lie. So naturally, I’m already rooting for this crazy ass turkey to come out of nowhere and destroy these idiots.
The resurrection of the killer turkey definitely made me raise an eyebrow. A dog that’s wandering through the forest takes a piss on the grave of the turkey and somehow it comes back to life? How? Why? Is it only an animal’s piss that does the resurrecting? If I took a piss on his grave would he come back from the dead? The one thing that irked me but I should have expected it--the Turkey kills off the dog, Flashy. What an asshole! Oscar, the owner of the dog, stumbles upon the Flashys remains and vows to kill the demonic turkey. I'm rooting for the massacre of dumb teenagers but I also want this stupid Turkey to meet its' end for killing Flashy. Justice for Flashy!
Hitching a ride, the Turkey manages to hold up a driver with a shotgun. Yes, a shotgun. For some reason, the turkey has managed to acquire a gun and learned how to use it. This is your magical voodoo at work ladies and gentlemen. Killing the driver, the Turkey hops into the driver’s seat and takes off down the highway. How the fuck did he learn how to drive? How can he reach the pedals? Shit, maybe he was in driver’s ed with Michael Myers...
Does the turkey manage to kill everyone or will Oscar avenge Flashy’s death? Will Billy finally be able to sleep with Ali? Will convenience stores ever sell extra small gravy flavored condoms? So many questions!
Be sure to watch this delicious slasher! This flick is on Amazon Video which is perfect if you’re an Amazon Prime Member. Take a break from all that late minute Christmas shopping on Amazon and pop in this giblet!
Stuff yourselves and get ready to gobble-gobble motherfucker!
Let me know what you think after you watch it.
Did you love it? Or did you hate it?
Leave a comment below!